Déja Smell... Again Please!

Tonight, I was inspired to write this blog when the smell of a perfume I hadn't worn in a while, brought me back to an all-nighter that my friend Anne and I had pulled in high school, procrastinators that we were, or are, I should say. During a study break we decided to break out my swim gear and wear it over our clothes for shits and giggles. I think my perfume had somehow spilled on my swim bag, hence the smell. I'm sure it was a 'you had to be there' memory, but all the same, it was a night that we laughed until our bellies hurt. I laughed out loud tonight when I thought about it.

I smelled my perfum tonight and relived a memory from a thousand years ago. I have termed this an occurance of 'déja smell'. The following are other occurances throughout the past week. It's been a smelly one...

Last week, I was driving to work the morning after a heavy rain and the desert smelled amazing. Even if it was just for a second, I found myself back in Tucson, in the year 2000, driving in my Jeep (sans the top) back out to the far East side with my friend Tennille. A monsoon had hit earlier that day and the smell was fabulous and pungent. We were out in the middle of nowhere driving along a road toads like to frequent late at night. The toads were everywhere along the road. We were listening to one of our favorite 80s compellation CDs, singing, and laughing every time I dodged a toad. The memory was nothing significant, nor was our night that night, but we had a blast. And driving to work that morning, I got to feel that all over again.

A couple of days later, while walking to my car through a small patch of 'garden' outside my doctor's office, I suddenly found myself back in 1997, in Pasadena, late at night, walking down a pathway hand in hand with my boyfriend, on our way to his pool house. I had been deliriously happy. The feeling from that memory stuck with me all the way home.

Yesterday, I was going through an old duffel bag in my closet. Apparently I had tossed a bunch of crap in it when I last moved. Among other things, I found an old swim cap. The smell brought back the memory and attached feelings of the day I beat my best time in the 100 meter breaststroke.

Today, walking out to my car at 6:30 am, the smell of dew and desert transported me to Lake Powell in 1998, where we had parked our houseboat for the night. Those of us going water skiing were up early for breakfast before hitting the lake. The campfire, friends, family, and the most beautiful scenery on earth; it was like I was there again.

They say that of all your senses, your sense of smell is most strongly linked to memory. I find it incredible that something as simple as a smell can take you back to places and feelings so long forgotten. When I experience déja smell, it's almost like reliving the memory that results, however briefly. I have flashbacks that result from déja vu or even a picture, but those are merely flashbacks; that's just remembering. Déja smell is really so different. The only other memory trigger that comes close, for me, is music. I get to feel the moment, not just remember it.

Déja smell gives new meaning to the phrase, 'Take time to smell the roses' doesn't it? When you do take the time, you might get more than just the smell of a rose. Kind of makes you want to take a deep breath and a big whiff.

What if Dr. McDreamy really isn't?

I was discussing Grey's Anatomy, a rather fabulous drama on ABC Sundays, with a friend and fellow addict of mine on Monday. Our discussion got me thinking about a few things. My friend 'Jill' mentioned she sometimes found it hard to watch because she couldn't help comparing Dr. Shepherd, or as he is affectionately known, Dr. McDreamy (played by the ever-so-HOT Patrick Dempsey) to her ex-boyfriend 'Jack'. And yet, she watches every Sunday; religiously.

Why do we watch? Why are we addicted? I, myself, have compared my exes to Dr. McDreamy or similar characters. Hasn't every woman? Dr. McDreamy is everywhere. He is 'Big' on Sex and the City, 'Dr. Kovach' on ER, 'Ben' on Felicity, and similarly, 'Ross' on Friends, and 'Seth' on Deadwood.

If you're unfamiliar with these shows, I'll just give you the basics. They all feature relationships to which every woman I know, including me, says they can relate. The relationship scenarios are as follows: (1) The guy who truly loves the girl, but due to circumstances beyond his control, can't be with her, (2) Guy who loves the girl but can't quite admit it to himself and therefore anyone else, because of commitment issues, he's scared, etc., and so can't be with her, and (3) Guy who loves the girl, she loves him, but they can't quite get it together.

I have decided to call this the 'Dr. McDreamy' syndrome. Notice that none of the scenarios entertain the idea that they just didn't want to be with the girl. Are our relationships really that similar to those on our favorite shows? Or is it just easier to believe they are? My friend Jill broke up with her boyfriend Jack a few months back. Her break-up didn't come too long after I'd been through a break-up. Needless to say, we'd spent many-an-hour discussing each other's relationships. Jack didn't want anything serious. She wanted to know it was, at least, possible. He couldn't give that to her. He did say he cared deeply for her. My break-up was very similar.

Both of us believe we were relationship number two: Guy who is in love, but can't admit it or follow through due to commitment issues, etc. It seems now, regardless of whether or not we still long for them, and even after one could say that we've both been proven wrong, that for each of us, in our own way, we still feel there is enough evidence to support what our hearts really want to believe. There were signs, things that couldn't have been mistaken for anything but 'true love' right? What I find truly interesting, is that I know both of us think the other is wrong. Dr. McDreamy applies to our relationship and ours alone; the other is obviously a gross misuse of the 'Dr. McDreamy syndrome'.

Is it possible we're both wrong? What if Dr. McDreamy really isn't? What if, we need these shows to get through our break-ups? I guess it would depend on how one defined love. I believe that 'love' would have conquered all of the issues plaguing the 'relationships' we follow on TV and yet, just like her, find it hard to believe that our exes didn't love us. What if we just need to believe it wasn't us? It's not that they didn't want us; they were just scared or couldn't get it together?

Maybe Dr. McDreamy really does exist, but if he does, how would we really know? I think, even after the fact, even when we're 'over it' we still don't like to acknowledge the alternative: They just didn't want us; not really. Shows like Sex and the City and Grey's Anatomy, with Dr. McDreamy characters help us to ignore that alternative. Because, in the end, Ross ends up with Rachel, Carrie ends up with Big, and I'd be willing to bet, Meredith ends up with Dr. McDreamy.