What if Dr. McDreamy really isn't?

I was discussing Grey's Anatomy, a rather fabulous drama on ABC Sundays, with a friend and fellow addict of mine on Monday. Our discussion got me thinking about a few things. My friend 'Jill' mentioned she sometimes found it hard to watch because she couldn't help comparing Dr. Shepherd, or as he is affectionately known, Dr. McDreamy (played by the ever-so-HOT Patrick Dempsey) to her ex-boyfriend 'Jack'. And yet, she watches every Sunday; religiously.

Why do we watch? Why are we addicted? I, myself, have compared my exes to Dr. McDreamy or similar characters. Hasn't every woman? Dr. McDreamy is everywhere. He is 'Big' on Sex and the City, 'Dr. Kovach' on ER, 'Ben' on Felicity, and similarly, 'Ross' on Friends, and 'Seth' on Deadwood.

If you're unfamiliar with these shows, I'll just give you the basics. They all feature relationships to which every woman I know, including me, says they can relate. The relationship scenarios are as follows: (1) The guy who truly loves the girl, but due to circumstances beyond his control, can't be with her, (2) Guy who loves the girl but can't quite admit it to himself and therefore anyone else, because of commitment issues, he's scared, etc., and so can't be with her, and (3) Guy who loves the girl, she loves him, but they can't quite get it together.

I have decided to call this the 'Dr. McDreamy' syndrome. Notice that none of the scenarios entertain the idea that they just didn't want to be with the girl. Are our relationships really that similar to those on our favorite shows? Or is it just easier to believe they are? My friend Jill broke up with her boyfriend Jack a few months back. Her break-up didn't come too long after I'd been through a break-up. Needless to say, we'd spent many-an-hour discussing each other's relationships. Jack didn't want anything serious. She wanted to know it was, at least, possible. He couldn't give that to her. He did say he cared deeply for her. My break-up was very similar.

Both of us believe we were relationship number two: Guy who is in love, but can't admit it or follow through due to commitment issues, etc. It seems now, regardless of whether or not we still long for them, and even after one could say that we've both been proven wrong, that for each of us, in our own way, we still feel there is enough evidence to support what our hearts really want to believe. There were signs, things that couldn't have been mistaken for anything but 'true love' right? What I find truly interesting, is that I know both of us think the other is wrong. Dr. McDreamy applies to our relationship and ours alone; the other is obviously a gross misuse of the 'Dr. McDreamy syndrome'.

Is it possible we're both wrong? What if Dr. McDreamy really isn't? What if, we need these shows to get through our break-ups? I guess it would depend on how one defined love. I believe that 'love' would have conquered all of the issues plaguing the 'relationships' we follow on TV and yet, just like her, find it hard to believe that our exes didn't love us. What if we just need to believe it wasn't us? It's not that they didn't want us; they were just scared or couldn't get it together?

Maybe Dr. McDreamy really does exist, but if he does, how would we really know? I think, even after the fact, even when we're 'over it' we still don't like to acknowledge the alternative: They just didn't want us; not really. Shows like Sex and the City and Grey's Anatomy, with Dr. McDreamy characters help us to ignore that alternative. Because, in the end, Ross ends up with Rachel, Carrie ends up with Big, and I'd be willing to bet, Meredith ends up with Dr. McDreamy.