The Dryer, The Witch, and The Wardrobe...

The information you are about to read may shock you, but fear not! I shall get to the bottom of this mystery and deliver the offending culprit… I must begin with a bit of background…

I believe in the Sock Monster. I have repeatedly been duped by this dastardly thief, but have dealt with the consequences as I have been unable to find any incriminating proof or for that matter, the suspect himself. This, I fear, will be a battle I fight for an eternity and I am prepared to deal with this annoyance forever if I must.

I was not however, prepared for or even aware of, the witch that appears to have taken up residence in my dryer. I fell victim to her last week, and at first, did not realize I had encountered my new enemy, but today I have been preyed upon again. I wish to warn you all; she is a vicious and cunning enemy. Unlike the Sock Monster, who attacks in a most bothersome yet insignificant way, she attacks with full vigor and wreaks havoc upon your wardrobe…

I have ‘lost’ two pairs of pants, a bra, and a favorite shirt to date. It is infuriating, to say the least, and I plan to right the situation. My wardrobe is shrinking and she is to blame. I know, you’re thinking it cannot be true. But I assure you, it is the absolute truth; I have considered all other possibilities…

If I lived with other women, I could perhaps conclude my clothing had been arbitrarily borrowed, but I live with men. I could conclude I have merely misplaced my ‘missing’ clothes, but I have searched high and low and in every other direction for them and have come up short. If I were crazy I could conclude I have lost my mind and am simply imagining I own articles of clothing that I do not, in fact, own. But I am not crazy, contrary to many-a-friend’s testimony given during rounds of joshing. So, where does that leave me? In a state of confusion and horror for I believe the witch is on the prowl and has begun to attack others…

A friend of mine recently ‘lost’ her favorite pair of jeans while at the laundry mat. The jeans were taken directly from the washer and placed in the dryer. When she retrieved her laundry, all was accounted for but the jeans. She double checked both the washer and dryer and like me, came up short. She blamed unlawful citizens. I agreed, sighed, and shook my head in disappointment. Maybe we misjudged the situation…

For now, I am angry, perplexed, and determined to unearth this wicked criminal.

And you? Beware the witch!